Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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