Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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