i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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