I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you will always have a special place in my vag
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
