Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
