remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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