he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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