So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
