make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
