Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
