I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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