i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
