just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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