i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
