you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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