I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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