I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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