I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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