if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
