I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
