yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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