toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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