I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
