Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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