the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
