I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
