my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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