Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
