i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
