i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
