that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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