Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
