Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We named our party play list daddy issues
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
