I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
