We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
