It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
