Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
