If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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