i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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