he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
