Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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