I wish I could teleport
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
