Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My ATM looks so different sober.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Randomize
