it hurts more in the daytime
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
