The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
