you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
