We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
