she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
