I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
