apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
