I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
